My friend once told me I have an addiction to movies starring awkward teenage boys. I think we can agree that this isn’t something you think to say to someone... unless it happens to be true. In response to her observation, I pulled up my list of favorite movies. Top three? The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012), The Way Way Back (2013), and 20th Century Women (2016).
L to R: The Perks of being a Wallflower, The Way Way Back, and 20th Century Women
This couldn’t be a coincidence, right? Clearly, something about awkward teenage boys coping with the brutality of adolescence really had an impact on me, and it’s not hard to figure out why. After all, minus the gender difference....I was one of them. In fact, I still am one of them. A lot of us are. Not that we would admit it.
Let's be real — these are not the kind of protagonists people dream of becoming. In Perks, Charlie starts as a shy nobody with a not-so-secret devotion to classic literature and writing. A boy who likes to write? That’s so feminine. In the beginning of The Way Way Back, Duncan is an awkward kid who barely says two words to anyone who doesn’t instigate a conversation. An angsty, mute teen? Sounds boring. Throughout 20th Century Women, Jamie, a young, hopeless romantic, takes it upon himself to learn all about female sexuality after being provided feminist literature by his older female friend. A straight boy who’s a feminist? He must be performative! Looking back on them now, all three of these characters share one thing in common: because they are sensitive boys going against "the norm", they are viewed as strange by many of their peers and family members.
However, because of their underdog status in the films, they ultimately become the people we root for. Maybe we don’t like how they start out, but we always like how they end up. In a way, that’s life — or at least, Hollywood. Few of us like who we are at 13 or 15, but that sentiment changes with time and experience. Movies condense this transformation into a few weeks, one summer, or one year, but the theme remains true regardless. Growing up is a lot about growing out of your first, awkward skin. Most of the time it’s implied you must get rid of that skin entirely.
But I don’t think that skin is something we should be ashamed or afraid to keep with us as we get older. We should not live in a world where boys like the ones above are ousted and mocked; we should live in a world where they are lifted up as valid people and and valid young men who are finding themselves. If that means writing, dancing, being a feminist, waving a pride flag, etc. then so be it. As members of society, we have the power to be allies of so many important causes. So why not be supportive of sensitive men, if we are rooting for them on the big screen already?
Maybe you disagree because you don’t enjoy these specific protagonists or movies, but it doesn’t change the fact that they all tell a universal story — the story of what it’s like not to belong, until the moment you finally do. Call me naive, but I dare to imagine that one day, like Charlie, we will all meet our Sam and Patrick, and like Duncan, we will become the beloved staff member at the Water Wizz water park, or like Jamie, we will say yes to being the good guy even if it means losing the girl. One day, we will assume the roles of the people we want to be, regardless of what society thinks. Unfortunately, outside of movies, "one day" often comes too late.
It’s clear from these movies that it’s not easy to grow up a “quirky teenage boy” in today’s world. Earlier I mentioned that in some ways, I can relate to these boys. I, too, have labored over writing, mourned the loss of best friends, contemplated the end of my life, withdrawn from people for my own protection... and by doing so, endured periods of extreme loneliness. Though for me, it’s always been permissible. I’m a girl. Girls are allowed to be sensitive and emotional. Yet when young men want similar, human things as me, they are forced to stay at arm's length for fear of looking girly, gay, or soft.
It’s immoral, and it’s time we take the conversation off the big screen and into our living rooms and classrooms. We can start by breaking down the toxic pedestals of normativity and conformity around awkward adolescence and sensitive young men. Organizations like Promundo — a nonprofit that promotes gender justice by engaging men in conversation with women regarding violence and discrimination — are working to tackle these very issues by advocating for healthy masculinity. They are already active in 40 countries in connection with other nonprofits like the United Nations and the World Health Organization. The best part is, Promundo isn’t alone. Dozens of healthy masculinity-focused organizations are at work all over the world. A Call to Men educates men on how to become responsible and respectful members of their sports team, office, or family. Inside Circle works with men in prison to help them grow and heal their inner selves. This is the work of making space and listening that needs to take place if we want a healthier, de-stigmatized world. It can’t and should not be put off any longer.
In the four years since I first watched Perks, two years since I watched The Way Way Back, and one day since I watched 20th Century Women, I have come to see that, like my fellow quirky male protagonists, I, too, want my sensitivity to be the thing I share with the world. My only hope is that one day more people, and more guys, can say the same.
Sources: Google Images, IMDb
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